Tag Archives: Minions

Illumination Movies Ranked

This is a company most animation buffs view as inferior quality to the other studios, but culturally they are the real top dogs with all the money they make, and how loved they are by general audiences. They are full of movies I find mediocre at best, but time to look into them. Here is my rankings of them before their next film makes 700M at worst case scenario.

Four Tree Stars

1. Despicable Me

Yes, everybody’s top pick. It is their only film to somewhat take itself seriously, and it really does have quite the satisfying emotional arc. I recently rewatched it for the first time in years, and I was surprised at how good it is. It is great at balancing a dark family plot with comedic antics. The surprise stand out was Dr. Nefario.

2. Despicable Me 4

For the first time since the first one I actually felt something from this franchise, focus. I mostly hear bad things about it online, but I sure enjoyed it enough to make this spot, and this is a purely subjective post.

Three Tree Stars

3. Despicable Me 2

Again, I rewatched it for this list for the fist time in years, and I was surprised at how good it is. Sure it has some jokes I find distinctly unfunny, but there were many I enjoyed (particularly if they involved Edith).

4. Despicable Me 3

Disappointing, but it gave me some laughs.

5. Minions 2

Same with where this franchise has been. Nothing special to a full grown man, but it is worth some laughs.

6. Sing

Finally, a movie not from Gru and friends. It gave exactly what the trailer promised, and I found it funny. I watched it several times as background noise during college, and it is great at that, which is a good summary for Illumination at their best. I am sure it helps I saw it in theaters like the first Despicable Me.

7. Minions

You know the drill. Nothing special, but it has enough comedy that I can reliably have a good time watching it. One key thing I noticed from this list is Gru is by far their best protagonist. He really brings some much needed drama to these comedies while still being really funny. Future film historians should study him closely.

8. Sing 2

Unfocused and the best character is gone, but it had highlights.

9. Migration

Decent children’s movie that gave me very little enjoyment as an adult.

Two Tree Stars

10. Secret Life of Pets

I saw this in theaters and just watched for the first time since (though I rewatched the first few minutes as background noise before turning it off once). It is not good. It is incredibly cliched, and hardly any of it is funny. The one character I enjoyed was Snowball. I do not know if this is a hot take or not, but I find none of Gidget’s comedy funny at all.

11. Hop

The sucky version of Sonic the Hedgehog. I was rooting for the villain the whole time.

12. Super Mario Bros

I do not play the games, so I am sure this greatly diminished my enjoyment (and these last two are very low Twos). This was so boring, unfocused, badly animated, and full of badly fitted music. Donkey Kong was the only saving grace.

One Tree Star

13. Secret Life of Pets 2

Same as the first one, but now even more cliched and unfocused. I just wanted it to be over whenever Snowball was not on screen. The poor guy was stuck trying to carry so much dead weight.

14. The Lorax

This was painful to watch.

15. The Grinch

Why is The Grinch so friendly? They really suck at Dr. Seuss adaptations.

Next time-

Dragonheart 4: Battle for the Heartfire

Brief Reviews of Recent Animated Movies

Lightyear

Awful movie. Chris Evans did a terrible job. They decided two existing cheaper actors could not return for this overly dramatic performance, which did not go well with their horrible comedy. The comedy is awful, especially the opening comedy. Buzz is awful. Zurg is less awful but still awful, the opening is awful, the climax is filled with diabolous ex machinas because this movie refuses to end. Not every movie has to be over 100 minutes.

For the side characters Izzy is boring. Pen guy is pretty bad. Sox is good but completely overstays his welcome after a while. Explosion obsessed granny is the best. All the lesser side characters suck.

What is with Buzz’s chin? His design is completely out of place.

It is just so mopey and miserable. It makes the backstory they put in the opening about it being Andy’s favorite movie so out of place. No young kid is going to like this overly slow miserable film.

One Tree Star. I guess I have to watch Turning Red now to make my Pixar Rankings post in the future.

The Bad Guys

On one hand other than some details at the end this is very predictable and cliche. On the other hand it is very well done.

Three Tree Stars.

Minions The Rise of Gru

Great callbacks and decent plot. The climax is not very good, but it is a fun ride getting there.

Three Tree Stars

Soul

The message is great, the animation is great, the characters are great, and the pacing is great.

Five Tree Stars.